bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ennui There's no one individual thing that I can put my finger on, I'm just so listless. Every morning is more difficult to conquer than the last. Work isn't helping. It's mainly because I don't have a concrete schedule--I'm not required to be anywhere for any length of time, I set my own hours, I come and go when I please. I do data entry and menial tasks like (and I'm totally serious here) taping paper together and highlighting all the dates before 1990 in a stack of paperwork. Occasionally I answer the phone. Really, it's not bad. It's just mindless. I shouldn't complain because I have no right to. It's just so fucking meaningless. So pointless. I'm not here because of my skills or qualifications, I'm here because I'm a body. A god-damned monkey could do what I do. You know when you miss a day of work and you think to yourself, "Oh, fuck....there will be so much waiting for me when I get back." I don't have that. Because I'm the most indispensable member of the team. My presence is unnecessary and my actual job is bullshit. You try spending six hours highlighting dates and tell me that there is purpose in life. And, you know, once I help them complete their 40 year title plan, I'll be out of a job. Doing my job well means being obsolete, and I've been doing such a great job that they're projecting the completion of the job six months ahead of schedule. Each week day morning I get out of bed and think, "I hate my fucking life." I'm so unhappy--so unfulfilled. But I've got to stick with it--stay the motherfucking course--because my future is dependent on this time in purgatory. As much as I want to bury myself right now, I've got to keep going. There's really no other choice. 12:04 p.m. - 01.28.15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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