bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I had to take another personality assessment for work. This is the 4th one in the last few months. They give me so much anxiety; I'm never sure what they are for--which ridiculous book we are trying to base our entire company identity on this quarter, that is. They're formatted in a way that allow for side-by-side comparison with other individuals in the company and I just....am not like the other people. Which, I logically knew, but seeing it spelled out in black and white felt unnecessary. I'm sure people lie on them, or don't hyper analyze their answers the same way that I do. I also know that the results are less of an indicator of me as a person and more of an indicator as to who I was and what I was feeling the day of the test. The biggest takeaway on this one, though, is the complete lack of confidence that I possess. Again, this wasn't a surprise, it was just hard to see it spelled out. I've been told that I project confidence, that until I open my mouth and reveal myself, that people don't see it. I think they just see my height and size and think I'm powerful. This test came along with some weird, SAT-type assessment that I feel quite confident has revealed me as the world's biggest idiot. I hate that a company of ~100 employees is making such an odd push for corporate culture. Especially when the family-owned dynamics of the company make this all seem laughable. I resent that our meetings follow a very specific and completely useless structure, I hate that we focus so hard on the metrics that we give no thought to the cause (maybe we're behind on shipping orders because our warehouse manager wrecked his car high on duster and there is no one holding the staff accountable, maybe we can't get workers because the word is out that this place is toxic and underpays their production workers?). I hate that we're obsessed with EOS and Traction and setting quarterly fucking rocks. I hate that there's no training or support or knowledge bank or single source of truth and yet we're still playing this game like there are standard operating procedures. I just want to learn how to do my job really fucking well so I can be left alone. It's my 1 year anniversary hire date today. I should hear back from the possible-next-job on the 9th. My work bestie is devastated, and the only person I've told about all of this. If she wasn't an RN nurse with a million times more earning power than I have, I would consider staying for her. But she is and I can't and I don't know what I'm going to do with any of this. I do need to work on the confidence thing though. 8:44 a.m. - 09.05.24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||