bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I've been experimenting with microdosing to help manage my depression. It's been years since I considered myself a psychonaut but I'm just so tired of being so sad. Like, if I manage to think logically and rationally, I will tell you that I have never been happier. Never in my life have I felt such a sense of stability, inner peace, self-understanding, self-worth and genuine appreciation for all the different facets of my being. But that doesn't stop my brain from telling me to kill myself a hundred times per day. I don't remember a time when I wasn't passively suicidal. This awful little bug has been in my brain since at least middle school--definitely the entire time I've been writing here. Those type of intrusive thoughts are exasperating. It's just, like, "Damn it brain, we have shit to do." It's insane to me that there are people out there who don't experience this--it's absolutely bonkers that there are people who go about their entire day and never once think about flinging themselves off a bridge or stepping out into traffic. Anyway. It's not even 8 in the morning yet and I still have a 9 hour work day in front of me, so I should find my way back to the shallows. 7:31 a.m. - 02.24.22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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