bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary

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vacation

We booked a cruise for our 10 year anniversary; 5 nights, leaving from Mobile, stopping in Cozumel and Costa Maya. We'll leave the day after my birthday.


I loved the idea of Vegas, but I found myself planning it as if I was someone with unlimited energy and no anxiety whatsoever. I had this big list of things I wanted to do and in a moment of clarity was like, "wait a minute....This could be unbearable if I don't wake up at 100%."


And so we opted for the cruise. We'll be on the same ship we sailed on 5 years ago when we went to Jamaica. I like the idea of knowing what we'll be walking into, not having to drive, not having to worry about anything really.


Except the pandemic and, ya know, the ethics of cruises in general.


I have a lot of feelings about vacationing during all of this. I'm vaccinated, going to get my booster in the next week, masking consistently but I know it's not the best choice. I'm desperate for an escape from all of this (this meaning the pandemic, my depression and constant existential dread, Iowa in general, my job, my obligations, my FIL. Everything. Just everything.) I also know that is exactly the attitude that got us all here in the first place.


It's just that, at the risk of sounding extra dramatic and mentally unstable, it feels like the fucking world is ending. And I just want to drink umbrella drinks on a big ass boat in the middle of the ocean and make believe it's all okay before my America turns into a complete dystopian dictatorship, ya know?

7:23 a.m. - 01.28.22

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