bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary

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A great day with my best friend. Coffee and uncontrollable laughter and small adventure. We each dropped a slightly ridiculous amount of money on plants, joking nonstop that surely THIS will be the hobby that cures our depression. I bought a bunch of succulents and ridiculous containers to plant them in. At the garden store, I helped a sweet older lady working in the office use mail merge in Microsoft word. That was random and delightful. It was what my soul needed; I woke up so depressed. I've been going through an emotional low for a while, as my weird crazy person cycle dictates. Octobers are always hard for me. I always get really intense intrusive thoughts about suicide this time of year.

That got dark.

Thinking about trying to reach out to an old friend from high school. I've lost all my female friends to distance or drugs. I miss female friendship, even though my best friend is one of the sweetest, most feministy and fun dudes on earth. I guess I have a lot of great relationships with women online but it's not the same as sitting down to coffee with someone who just....gets it. Anyway, we'll see what happens. November is almost here at least, that always brings a little releif.

12:32 a.m. - 10.24.20

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