bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- barren I am so empty. I want to be a mother so badly that I can't even say it out loud. Saying it out loud means that it's real, that I'm opening myself up to the very real possibility that we are on a long journey to heartbreak. Disappointing doctors appointment today. I wrote a lot about it, but my computer crashed and I just don't have the emotional energy to write it again. Its already out of me, maybe it's for the best that it's gone. Devon would be such a phenomenal fucking father. He's so steadfast and strong and patient and he has so much love to give. He wants it so much and he's so ready. Infertile is an awful word. It's like a machete that just slices through all of your hopes. I feel so many things and I can't articulate any of them, which is unusual for me. Mostly I feel worthless. And sad. And hurt. And angry. And alone, so very fucking alone. 9:29 p.m. - 07.03.19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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