bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary


waxing poetic

This weekend, I get three days off with my husband and then he's back on day shift.

I'm kind of surprised at how much I enjoy my time alone on his new schedule. I love spending time with him more than anything in the world, I love engaging with him on every level. Because of that, I ignore a lot of other things I love, like reading and writing.

It's a gift to have this time to explore myself, to pursue my own interests at the exclusion of everything else sometimes.

It's also nice to have that feeling of "missing him"--to have the excitement of spending quality time together, doing mundane things again. Some of my favorite moments are the quiet moments, like being in the kitchen chopping vegetables together or brushing our teeth together. The time apart has given me such an appreciation for all of those tiny, intimate moments that you don't realize have become a cornerstone of your routine.

I've been reflecting a lot on our relationship lately, and recently I found myself going through all of the pictures of us I could find from over the last decade. A great deal of the them were from our festival days--pupils huge, decked out in our finest tie-dye and usually covered in paint or glitter. I remember it all so clearly, but it was so long ago--so many lifetimes ago. I wouldn't trade those days for anything in the world. I mean, sure we ate a lot of hallucinogens, but it was mostly a broke, wholesome good time. I'm glad we have sobered up and gotten our lives together. I'm glad we aren't spending all of our money on mushrooms and concert tickets and that neither of us ever got dreadlocks. I'm glad we got out of the scene before it got dark. I'm glad we got to be young and stupid and irresponsible together. I'm grateful we were fortunate enough to get away with all of it, to be honest. More than anything, though, I'm glad we both wanted to grow up. I'm happy that we had our fun and then realized that we wanted more.

I'm proud of where we are, especially when I think about where we came from.

9:54 p.m. - 06.06.19


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