bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary



Nothing gets me moving quite like the realization that my dissatisfaction, unhappiness and discomfort are my own to deal with--that I am on my own and that no one is coming to save me.

I lose sight of it a lot more often than I used to. I fall into patterns of blame and depression and complacency.

It's almost as if I have to be a specific kind of fed up in order to act. It's fucking ridiculous and I need to learn how to overcome that--how to move and act and react even under the most stressful and overwhelming of circumstances.

I filed my application for federal student aid today. I also applied for several scholarships. To be honest, I'm not one hundred percent sure where I left off with school--it's been something like three years since I last attended classes. I'm feeling a bit panicky about it, because I honestly don't remember how or why or what caused me to stop attending....

Breaking the situation down, though, it seems as though my worst case scenario will be coming up with the entire cost of tuition and books to cover my first semester back. If that's the route I'm forced to go, there will probably be some sort of Academic Probation. It's either that or abandon the credits I've worked for and enroll in a new school (that seems silly though, especially since I know I have a solid 2 semesters of Gen Eds completed).

Best case scenario is that I receive my Federal Aid package and it covers most of/all of the cost of tuition. I'm not counting on that, though. I don't really have a best-case-scenario life lately.

All I am really counting on is myself right now. It's all sort of out of my hands at the moment, anyway; paperwork has been filed so I need to wait until I hear the response. I can't determine my next step until I find out exactly where I'm at.

11:18 a.m. - 02.27.15


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