bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I consider marital relationships to be alive; ever changing and evolving. And sometimes that is exhausting. I feel like a failure as a wife. As a partner. I feel alone. I'm trying to reach out to my friends and loved ones, but I know I should be reaching out to my husband. It's just that, he's not reaching back right now. And it hurts. I feel kind of resentful about things--about not being supported, about having to put my feelings aside to work through his. I feel frustrated that when I try to bring my feelings to him, he gets so distraught about my unhappiness that he breaks down, putting me in a position to comfort him. So I just wad my emotions up into a smaller ball and force them back down inside of me.... It feels manipulative, whether it's on purpose or not. But, he's grieving too. It's not fair of me to be angry at him for being UNABLE to support me. Because I truly think that is the problem, I don't think it's that he doesn't want to, it's that he can't. So, what happens now? We're just at this stupid, awful fucking crossroads. I feel desperate to move on, and he is desperate to put this year away--to move on and pretend nothing ever happened. I feel achingly aware that this could hurt us if we don't deal with it. 8:20 a.m. - 12.12.14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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