bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-

It's really scary to be in such a different place than my husband in terms or grief and healing.

It's shitty to feel such a lack of support, connection, acknowledgement and understanding. I don't know how to approach this issue without hurting feelings. The last few talks haven't done much, anyway, and I'm so fucking sick of being the bad guy.

I hope he doesn't feel it. I hope I'm alone in this.

I feel like a terrible wife, but I just want to be emotionally coddled for a little while. I want to be taken care of.

Feeling very isolated lately. Feeling very stagnant. The energy in our house is heavy and stale. It doesn't really provide the same sense of comfort that it had before.

Went and visited a friend yesterday. Couldn't get my husband to come. It felt good to be around people. It felt good to have a sense of levity.

Our emotions have been manifesting themselves in strange ways, lately. I can feel our mutual depression seeping into every facet of our life, mucking up everything. Gears are running slowly, we're both ridiculously sensitive.

He wants peace. He wants quiet. He wants easiness and routine and contentment.

I want structure. I want movement. I want cleanliness and craftiness and noise and order.

I want him to fold the laundry or rinse his fucking plate without being told to do so.

Then we come back to my selfishness. Because what kind of bitch am I to expect him to grieve like me?

Going to the doctor next week to address my anxiety and get a referral to a therapist.

I don't know what to do, but I've worked too god damned hard to get where I am to watch it all slip away.

10:48 a.m. - 12.01.14

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

dullstar
igotsprung
chakra-nadi
waka--
weknowweknow
we1rd0
loveherwell
gonzoprophet
dirtyboots
moodswing
cybers1ut
stepfordtart
atwowaydream