bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- babble I've been doing a lot of work lately with the concept of purposeful thoughts and mindfulness, discussing the psychology of habits and how to break free from routine, reading about how to walk in and BE love. It's getting easier to squash that little voice in the back of my head that says things like, "This is a little far out, isn't it?" My whole life, I've never been able to truly surrender. It's a recurring problem that I've never actually dealt with because, in a lot of ways, I saw it as a strength. I thought that it meant I wasn't easily swayed--that I stood firm in what I believed in. It's only lately that I've realized the inability to give in has been a hinderence in almost every aspect of my life--be it relationships, professional obligations or spiritual beliefs. Instead of throwing myself into the midst of something, I stand on the outskirts with snarky comment and satisfied smirk. It was more than not knowing how to get my ego to shut the fuck up, it was that I thought I was my ego. I am the sum of my thoughts. I am the contents of my mind. And instead of being a slave to that, now I feel empowered to change. I am not in control of anything but myself; it's the most comforting notion I've ever had. 6:00 p.m. - 11.10.13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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