bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary


baby maybe

My cousin (by marriage. It needs to be said. It just needs to be said.) recently had twin girls, and every time I see them I just think, "Holy shit, God must've crafted these little beauties by hand!"

They are, like, the cutest fucking things on the planet.

This whole enjoying and marveling at children thing is really new for me. I'm not sure if I'm maturing or if the hormones I'm on have given my biological clock a little kick, but either way, I'm turning into one of those women who oohs and ahhs over every carseat lugged through the grocery store. It's so weird.

Also, my husband and I have been spending a lot of time with this couple who have a 4 year old daughter and it's been pretty much magical. She adores me (which is weird, because I think usually children smell my fear) and Devon, so whenever we see her she's quick to grab us by the hand and lead us somewhere wonderful. We were at her parent's for a bonfire a couple weeks ago and when it was time for bed, she begged me to read her a story. It was probably the most touching thing I've ever experienced.

So, I guess this brings me to my point, I think I've decided that at some point in the [fairly distant but not super far away] future, I would like to spawn with my husband. We're not, like, planning a family or anything. We're not even pre-planning. We've just decided that combining our genes wouldn't be the worst thing that happened to humanity.

I know it's not a decision or anything, but there's still something scary and exciting about the idea. In a delightful way, that is.

I haven't really talked to anybody besides my husband about it. (I've been so vehemently against babies for so long that I almost feel guilty admitting that we want one someday.) He's thrilled to death, not because he's ready or anything... I think it bothered him that I was so anti-reproducing for so long. Like it had something to do with him. Anyway, since we first started talking about it (which was the weirdest, most awkwardly hilarious, mature conversation I think we've ever had), he's been pretty happy. It's almost like he feels closer to me now because of it.

It's still a very foreign concept to process, but it's something I think will be a really, really beautiful thing.

In, like, 2-5 years.

9:34 a.m. - 08.21.13


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