bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary



I feel so stupid.

I'm dealing with all these dockets and indictments and subpoenas and court orders and all these people's lives and futures and in my hands.

There's no training, my boss is never here, and there's nobody to teach me what the fuck I'm doing.

And all I can think about is how Blankety Blankins will have a fucking warrant issued for his arrest if my boss doesn't take a look at his god-damn file to prepare for his hearing tomorrow.

Husband and I have barely spoken this week. I've been such a frazzled pile of nerves that there's not much use in it anyway. I go to sleep at 8PM and let blackness wash over me until 6AM. I'm not sure if I'm tired, or if I'm just desperate to escape this gnawing ball of anxiety that has been sitting just under my ribcage since I started this job.

I know that the first couple weeks are always a challenge, but....what the fuck. How am I supposed to file paperwork to the federal court if he can't tell me the website, login information or attorney pin? How am I supposed to make it past my 90 day probationary period if nobody shows me how to do my job?

How the fuck long am I expected to sit here, contently answering phones and drowning in a sea of paperwork before he can give me a straight answer about when I'll be getting paid?

Oh, haven't I mentioned? He's not sure how to do I'm just SOL until his wife finds the time to train me. Which will apparently take place on a Saturday...

Though, I'm not sure about how that will work, being as my contract stipulates that I will not be compensated for overtime and am inelligable to work more than 40 hours per week.

Man, it bugs me that I sound like such a whiney bitch... It's just that, my stupid husband loves me so much he refuses to listen to this kind of crap because he always dismisses it with a simple, "Baby, you're gonna pick it up" And hopefully he's right, but sometimes, I just want to beat the fucking shit out of him for having more faith in me than I've ever had in myself.

Here I go again, bitching about someone's love for me.

Excuse me while I go stew in the sour air of my bell jar for a while.

9:14 a.m. - 07.25.13


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