bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- audacity Sometimes, I just get outrageously and irrationally upset with my husband for having the audacity to love me. I'm almost never able to see it in the moment...it's always a little delayed. Like, we'll be in the middle of an argument, he'll have just said something a little hurtful when all of a sudden--SNAP! I couldn't tell you what goes through my brain, because there's a complete disconnect between my mind and my mouth. Usually, I make it back into the fight after the words, "You are SUCH an ASSHOLE!" leave my mouth. I'm always flooded with an instant sense of regret, because no matter how I interpret the things he says to me, he doesn't deserve that. I need to remember that this man loves me, more than I probably deserve. He never says things to hurt me, and he's always coming from a place of love... It's just that, when I get into these sad, stupid, "woe is me" moods, I feel like I don't deserve his love so I attack him for giving it to me. And my Derv, being the most wonderful and amazing and supportive and intuitive man on earth, keeps offering it up. No matter how unworthy I feel, he's always there to assure me that I'm not going crazy, that I'm not losing it, and that everything will be okay. I hope, someday, that I can become the woman he deserves. 2:46 p.m. - 05.29.13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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