bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary


fuck cancer

My friend Nancy, who (whom?) I've written about before, had surgery yesterday to remove the tumors from her stomach and intestines. When they opened her up, they discovered that they tumors were so intertwined with her arteries that they couldn't remove without killing her. She flatlined on the table and they were able to bring her back, but at this point, no one is optimistic. If she is able to recover enough to come home, she has a very limited amount of time and a low quality of life. Because of the tumors, she does not have enough room in her stomach to digest food well enough to derive any nutritional value and her bowel and intestine are so shortened from her previous battle with cancer that....well...her body will not be able to sustain itself.

I've become very close with her daughter over the past few weeks, and so last night when we got word that things were looking dire, I took her on a three hour road trip to see Nancy.

For the three hours we were there, her eyes were only open for a few moments. When she came to, she tried to speak to us but since she was on a breathing tube (and ten other machines), every time she constricted her throat, she would close her airway. This caused her blood pressure to spike rapidly, so all of these alarms went off. Her daughter and I held hands, bracing ourselves for the moment....but she fought it. Shortly after, the nurses pushed us out of the room and sedated her.

I was talking to an older woman in the visiting area about how she was so out of it. She was going through something similar with her husband and said something that I thought was incredibly wise and amazing. She told me something like, "Your friend is in a different world right now fighting her own fight. She's got to take this journey, wherever it takes her. At this point, it's between her and God." I've been thinking about it a lot and it's been incredibly comforting.

I don't know what else to say... It's all so hopeless and we're all so helpless. I'm just glad we're all able to find a safe place in each other. I feel honored to have been so accepted into this family.

3:39 p.m. - 05.16.13


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