bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary



Most of the people that I used to consider friends, I've known my entire life. It's the bittersweet part of living in the same community you were raised in. A lot of people stick around. And while that's awesome and I could definitely use a lot more social interaction and a lot less time visiting the hospice unit....I just don't have shit in common with these people anymore.

I first started to notice this when we stopped drinking. For the first six months or so, nobody really knew how to treat us. They felt self-conscious about getting drunk in front of us, so the few parties we attended were incredibly awkward. This is something I can kind of understand because way back when I was a shameless little lush, I made it a mission to get the non-drinkers to do shots with me. Back then, for me, those sober folks did nothing but highlight what a total idiot I probably looked like. Whenever I'd get one of the straight-edges to try a sip of my drink, I felt like I could breathe a little easier. Like, "Okay, he knows why this is so awesome, so he's not going to think I'm uncool for doing it." When I realized that they were behaving the same way I did around sober folks, I just kind of...stopped going to parties.

And after the millionth time you respond to an invitation with, "Nah, I think I'll just stay in and save money. Hit me up when you wake up and we'll have coffee!" people just start to give up on inviting you out.

Which is cool. I mean, I would, too. But the thing is, I've gotten over thinking that I'm missing out and that I'd rather be with these people and now I just think, "Stop being an idiot."

And now, I'd just quickly like to clarify that I don't have a problem with drugs an alcohol when used responsibly. I mean, some of my best memories involve drugs and alcohol!I've had too many mind expanding encounters and spiritual experiences to talk shit about anybody's extra-curricular activities.

I just think that when so much money on weed and booze and whatnot that I have to bring you a bag of groceries to keep you from starving til payday....well, you might have a problem. I think that if you drink so much alcohol every night that you're unable to wake up for work in the morning and have consequently lost several jobs because of this, then you're fucking up. And, I'm pretty sure, if you find yourself vomitting and shaking and freaking the fuck out because you have ingested or inhaled whatever your personal poison is, then it's time to get your shit together. Also, I don't think blacklights are cool, or posters not hung in frames. I don't like to go to a cramped bar that I can't even smoke in and listen to whatever the fuck it is people are trying to scream at me over the shitty music. I don't want to hang out at the mall, I'd rather kill myself than get a manicure, I don't give a shit what brand my jeans are, I couldn't care less whether or not I've brushed my hair today (or even this week. Whatever, I wash it, it's curly and is gonna do what it wants, so why bother?) My attitude in these general areas have made it next to impossible to communicate with almost everyone I've known for more than 4 years.

I don't need to defend any of this, but it's not like any of them need to change either. We all just need to accept the fact that we're going in different directions. That doesn't mean we can't be friendly, or even hang out sometimes. It just means we need to give up this "Best Friends Forever" bullshit ideal because it's not realistic.

Don't get me wrong, my friends will forever remain my friends, but that doesn't mean that life happens. We're all connected to each other--just like the different colored ribbons on a maypole. We swirl around one another, getting closer and further, dancing at different speeds, but we all come back to center once in a while. So drop the pressure of the pretense. We're all growing up and figuring ourselves out, it's nothing to apologize for.

- 05.07.13


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