bliss-sad's Diaryland Diary


social media

It's been one month since I took the social media needle out of my arm, and I have to say.... the impact has had on my mental state is shocking. It sounds so pathetic to talk about my compulsive use of Facebook, but, in keeping with my vow to be more honest with myself, I have to just admit it. My name is Nichole, and I think I was addicted to facebook.

It would be more appropriate to say that I was addicted to the occasional boost of self-esteem I would get when I saw that some bitch I used to go to High School with was unmarried and pregnant or fat or just plain not doing super well in her life. Those moments were few and far between, however, because mostly I would log on and see that bitches from High School were entering grad school or graduating with their bachelor's degrees or something.

I'd see people post about their milestones, and somehow it took all the pride and joy out of my accomplishments. It's pretty fucking ridiculous, now that I think about it, to let some stupid cunt's wedding diminish the pride I feel about my own union...but somehow it did. That is actually the thing that made me unplug, and I still feel ashamed about it.

I feel so much more confident about myself and my life now that I'm unplugged. I don't want to go back, not just for my mental health but because it's so fucking superficial. It's taken all of the effort out of relationships. People feel like a post on your wall is good enough to sustain a friendship and that's just not how it works. And, let's face it, because Facebook and other social media give us an opportunity to create whatever persona you feel like putting out there, you're not really getting to know the people you interact with. You're just getting to know the version of themselves that they're willing to put online.

As silly as it sounds, but I've already noticed a huge decrease in the number of people I interact with now that I'm offline. It would be easy to get sad about this, but I've come to realize that I haven't really lost anything. I still communicate regularly with the people who I've always considered to be my nearest and dearest, and that's all that matters.

What's gone from my life is the illusion of success, of friendship, of happiness and what I've gained is a strong sense of what those things really are.

2:55 p.m. - 04.24.13


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